Of cognitive decay and its simulation

#define man "men, women & everyone else more confused"

Isn't it a glaring irony that a man's age is (supposedly) synonymous with his maturity, but his propensity to attain greater maturity is in fact, inversely related to the time he spends on this planet. I heard somewhere a long time ago, that a man's brain stops manufacturing nerve cells after reaching adulthood. Doesn't fill me with dollops of unbounded joy to know that the only part of my body which does any amount of work (yeah anything it does is work OK? ) is in an irreversible state of decay. It sure as hell affects me when I'm trying to grasp a new concept and stuff into the depths of my brain in a format that is digestible, and not excreted with complete apathy (from my brain not me! sleep over it :) )

Or is it just that I'm too disillusioned with anything and everything, too disinterested, to focus my brain, to concentrate, to think of a goal, an objective, and work towards it single-mindedly, not caring about what the results might be, just giving it all that I can muster (and probably a little more). The glory of achievement is only worth its weight in gold, when it's foundations have been forged from blood, sweat and tears. It is that bliss that I cherish; but it is a slightly difficult to attain that elusory state of Nirvana if I don't what the fuck I want to do !!! Jeez I'm pathetic!

Mid Exam Chhuti Crisis

Having a yawning break between exams is not going to have good consequences for procrastinating poopheads like me. How I am "utilizing" my time is obivous for all to see.

Taking the discussion (discourse, whatever) away from myself, isn't it a pathetic reflection on our 21st Century lives that you have to read your friend's blog to know how his life is going; to know how he feels about this thing or the other. I mean it's ok if they were like light-years away from each other, but if you come in contact almost everyday, it is wierd. Are we so insecure that we need a public forum to unleash our woes?

MeTaL's Friendly Tip #48022
Try not to catch a cold/throat infection when summer is peaking in this neck of the woods (western friggin roasting India)!

Debut

I've always considered blogging to be a vela activity. it's stuff that only vela ppl indulge in. That hasn't changed. It's just that i am proving my velaness now. besides i got inspired by vivek's blogging. of course that doesn't mean im goinna sit down and write my thoughts everyday! i have too many of them per second to list them. My mind is like a vast ocean of random thoughts/events/processes, most of them completely beyond my control (read: lack of will power). I guess writing my first blog was the result of such an involuntary impulse. u cud say im possessed by mid-exam velaness (refer to my new orkut profile if u have any doubts).
Although most ppl here might not believe me, i've been an introvert most of my life. that improved a bit once i got to college. at least i've learned to interact with my peers. otherwise, i'm still that confused introvert, with very low self-esteem [y the fuck am I alive ? not to write blogs I'm sure] I'm constantly 'reviewing' (had to use it today: batchmates tortured by SEN would understand) my actions, but i do almost nothing about the review report. I guess i'll need a better quality management system. eek...to much SEN talk, i feel like puking my innards out.

My father always used to tell me, ever since i reached a certain level of maturity (he thought it was puberty, heheh) that i should maintain a diary to keep track of everything and anything that i could: my thoughts of course not being the least of them. I thought of it as an amusing idea, but wat the hell, most ideas and suggestions to me are kept aside for later perusal, and never asked for again (govt. offices are probably better) My eighth standard teacher made us write a paragraph or two everyday about some topic or the other. Helps you in more ways than one I guess.

One primary reason for me not writing a blog or keeping a diary all these years is that I'm afraid of unleashing my darker self to the world. I mean, as it is, I command very little respect.
Of all the million guzzillion totally irrelevant thoughts I might have during the day, at least 70-80% of those thoughts are things u don't share with anybody, or at least I wouldn't. But i'll try. Be prepared world, here I come! OK that sucked, but I hope you, oh cherished blog reader, get some part of my point. Question: Haven't you got better things to do? dark thoughts or no dark thoughts, they'll be here, if they're in my mind while I am here. phew...

SEN the course got over today. But I've got a bad feeling, SEN the experience is awaiting us at the other side. And for some reason, it doesnt fill me with too much enthusiasm. Discussing the exam itself is pointless. However, what might be deemed noteworthy, is that I spent the whole day doing nothing just because I don't have exams tomorrow and the day after. The sheer drudgery of MCS and the monolith that is MMC await me on Friday (thank friggin God it isn't a 13: not superstitious, but just making sure :)) Ashok Amin will make me wrack my brain (or so he thinks) on Saturday for the Algorithms exam and then....? I have no idea where/what my RI is going to be ? Worse, I do not know what to do during the vacations. CAT ? GRE? Novels? Research ? (stop smirking: its still a minute possibility)The Road Ahead is very foggy, and it isn't getting any clearer.